jlpskydive
04-28-2009, 10:34 PM
First off let me preface this story that I swore to God that I would never return to this state by my own decision after the Army..... Basic, AIT, and Sapper School really ruined my opinion of the big MO. But, as many of you know that I now work for the Government again...... So, when I got the call for the MO detail, needless to say I was less than enthusiastic.
With that being said I arrived to 55 degree weather with wind and rain. Great here goes another fantastic trip to MO. To my surprise I wake up to a sunny 70 degrees and have a pretty good day at work with a few minor hitches. About four pm I'm done for the day at the office and return to my hotel room to do some editing on what I had been working on earlier. BTW, being a Platnum Member of Crown Plaza I'm staying in a suite you could play raquet ball in on the 27th floor of a great hotel in a very nice section of Kansas City.
I get my work done and head to the bar for a burger and a few beers. After figuring out that they were seven dollars a piece I remembered that I had passed a grocery store last night and decided it would be best for me to just head on down and grab some beer and work some more in my room rather than running up the HUGE bar tab that my mood was calling for at the time.
It's a short walk about two blocks to the place (I'm not sure of the name, but it's very similar to a Whole Foods on the east coast). As I'm walking a woman with a child asks for my attention..... (great here it goes!!!) If you know how much time I spend in D.C. you know my tolerance for bums is VERY LOW!!!!!! She has one very simple request.... She has flower and she has grease, she even has power in her apartment, but she needs a chicken. (At this point in the story I really think it's best to switch to first person narration) so here it goes.
Her: Excusme me Sir.....
Me: WHAT!
Her: I really need something to eat and I don't need cash, I don't need anything really..... I have power, flower and grease, but I need a chicken......
Me: What????
Her: I need a chicken.
Me: OK I'm going to the grocery store right now, wait here and I will get you one.
Side note: (If you NEED food and it's within my power to get it for you I WILL!! If you ask me for cash, beer, drugs or what have you... F off and pay your own way)
So I go into the store grab some Cokes for the morning(don't drink Coffee) grab some beer for the room and well...... I head over to the meat counter and look for a chicken for this woman.
MEAT COUNTER ARRIVAL
As I come up to the meat counter there is a woman going OFF on the guy tending it about a type of fish that the store is selling and saying that it is endangered and he should be ashamed!!!!!!!
(Back to first person)
Crazy lady: THAT FISH IS ENDANGERED AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE SELLING IT HERE.... (she really is freaking out about it)
Young Man: Mam I'm sure that if it was we would not be selling it and our store prides itself on being environmentally conscious... yadda, yadda, yadda
Other lady at the counter: Sir what can I help you with???
Me: I would like some Harp Seal (said very loudly) and one of those chickens.... (I'm really not in the mood for this at the moment and I'm being more insulting than funny at this point)
CRAZT LADY!!!! NOW LOOKS LIKE HER HEAD IS GOING TO COME OFF!!! I'm pretty sure she started bleeding from her eyes and at least one big twitch started..
Young man: Shoots me the you bastard look, and basically conveys that although, that was funny he can not laugh....
Other patrons: Same look as the Young man
Other lady at the counter: She bags up my chicken (sans the Harp Seal.... dammit....) and ask if I would like anything else????
Well, now I'm starting to really enjoy this little trip to the store..... and make another odd request.
Me: Well if you have any California Condor in the back I would love some of that......
Young man: (very quickly says) Well Sir, that IS endangered and we don't sell endangered animals here.
Crazy lady: Her head has now left her body and is spinning like a scene from the Exorcist.
Other patron's and Other lady at the counter: Laughing LOUDLY.
Me: Having fun at this point, but know if I crack a smile this woman is going to KILL me.
So, I book to the register and pay my bill. About the time that I'm done Crazy Lady comes out from the back with what appears to be a manager and is pointing at me. I make eye contact with him and he with me. It's all said right there without a word..... If you bring her over here this is going to get worse for you and I'm having fun now..... He wisely steps between us distracting Crazy and I make my exit.
About a block later I find the woman that had ask me for the chicken, as I approached with my bags her eyes lit up. I handed it to her and she thanked me, picked up her son and (I guess) went home to feed her family.
To that woman.... THANK YOU!!! Without your simple request I would have never gone to the meat counter to get the opportunity to have such a good time with CRAZY Lady!!!! I have not had that much fun buying someone dinner in a long time!! God bless you and eat well. To all you out there be charitable and you to might get your money's worth!!! Best ten bucks or so I have spent in a LONG TIME!!!
With that being said I arrived to 55 degree weather with wind and rain. Great here goes another fantastic trip to MO. To my surprise I wake up to a sunny 70 degrees and have a pretty good day at work with a few minor hitches. About four pm I'm done for the day at the office and return to my hotel room to do some editing on what I had been working on earlier. BTW, being a Platnum Member of Crown Plaza I'm staying in a suite you could play raquet ball in on the 27th floor of a great hotel in a very nice section of Kansas City.
I get my work done and head to the bar for a burger and a few beers. After figuring out that they were seven dollars a piece I remembered that I had passed a grocery store last night and decided it would be best for me to just head on down and grab some beer and work some more in my room rather than running up the HUGE bar tab that my mood was calling for at the time.
It's a short walk about two blocks to the place (I'm not sure of the name, but it's very similar to a Whole Foods on the east coast). As I'm walking a woman with a child asks for my attention..... (great here it goes!!!) If you know how much time I spend in D.C. you know my tolerance for bums is VERY LOW!!!!!! She has one very simple request.... She has flower and she has grease, she even has power in her apartment, but she needs a chicken. (At this point in the story I really think it's best to switch to first person narration) so here it goes.
Her: Excusme me Sir.....
Me: WHAT!
Her: I really need something to eat and I don't need cash, I don't need anything really..... I have power, flower and grease, but I need a chicken......
Me: What????
Her: I need a chicken.
Me: OK I'm going to the grocery store right now, wait here and I will get you one.
Side note: (If you NEED food and it's within my power to get it for you I WILL!! If you ask me for cash, beer, drugs or what have you... F off and pay your own way)
So I go into the store grab some Cokes for the morning(don't drink Coffee) grab some beer for the room and well...... I head over to the meat counter and look for a chicken for this woman.
MEAT COUNTER ARRIVAL
As I come up to the meat counter there is a woman going OFF on the guy tending it about a type of fish that the store is selling and saying that it is endangered and he should be ashamed!!!!!!!
(Back to first person)
Crazy lady: THAT FISH IS ENDANGERED AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE SELLING IT HERE.... (she really is freaking out about it)
Young Man: Mam I'm sure that if it was we would not be selling it and our store prides itself on being environmentally conscious... yadda, yadda, yadda
Other lady at the counter: Sir what can I help you with???
Me: I would like some Harp Seal (said very loudly) and one of those chickens.... (I'm really not in the mood for this at the moment and I'm being more insulting than funny at this point)
CRAZT LADY!!!! NOW LOOKS LIKE HER HEAD IS GOING TO COME OFF!!! I'm pretty sure she started bleeding from her eyes and at least one big twitch started..
Young man: Shoots me the you bastard look, and basically conveys that although, that was funny he can not laugh....
Other patrons: Same look as the Young man
Other lady at the counter: She bags up my chicken (sans the Harp Seal.... dammit....) and ask if I would like anything else????
Well, now I'm starting to really enjoy this little trip to the store..... and make another odd request.
Me: Well if you have any California Condor in the back I would love some of that......
Young man: (very quickly says) Well Sir, that IS endangered and we don't sell endangered animals here.
Crazy lady: Her head has now left her body and is spinning like a scene from the Exorcist.
Other patron's and Other lady at the counter: Laughing LOUDLY.
Me: Having fun at this point, but know if I crack a smile this woman is going to KILL me.
So, I book to the register and pay my bill. About the time that I'm done Crazy Lady comes out from the back with what appears to be a manager and is pointing at me. I make eye contact with him and he with me. It's all said right there without a word..... If you bring her over here this is going to get worse for you and I'm having fun now..... He wisely steps between us distracting Crazy and I make my exit.
About a block later I find the woman that had ask me for the chicken, as I approached with my bags her eyes lit up. I handed it to her and she thanked me, picked up her son and (I guess) went home to feed her family.
To that woman.... THANK YOU!!! Without your simple request I would have never gone to the meat counter to get the opportunity to have such a good time with CRAZY Lady!!!! I have not had that much fun buying someone dinner in a long time!! God bless you and eat well. To all you out there be charitable and you to might get your money's worth!!! Best ten bucks or so I have spent in a LONG TIME!!!