Joke Time

[Jacobite]

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff
meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty
sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits
of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to
have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans.

The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for
other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were
acceptable.

About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top
10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went
very well for everyone! The top 10 were:


10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!



9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.


8. Viagra, like a rock!


7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.


6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.


5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.


4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.


3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!


2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!


And the unanimous number one slogan:


1. This is your peepee. This is your peepee on drugs.

[nevada]

ROFLMAO!!!!!:party0045:

[jonboy20]

:thumbup:

[SteelCore]

Another joke:

Q:What do you call a dog with no legs?

A: Doesn't matter, he's not coming anyway.



Q:What do with a dog with no legs?

A:Take him out for a drag.

[Global Gunsmithing]

how come chickens dont wear underwear????

[tanstaafl4y]

how come chickens dont wear underwear????

Because roosters don't have hands

[Global Gunsmithing]

Because roosters don't have hands

because there pecker1s on there face

[SteelCore]

A: She's dead.

Q: Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: It was dead.

Q:What has six legs, is green and fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree on you?
A: A Pool table.

Q: What did tarzan see when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
A: "Look, a a herd of elephants coming over the hill"

Q: What did tarzan see when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill with sunglasses on?
A: Nothing...he didn't recognize them.

[robocop10mm]

They released the formula for Viagra:

10% Aspirin

90% Fix-a-Flat

[robocop10mm]

Here in Austin the nursing homes are giving Viagra to the male patients.

It keeps them from rolling out of bed!

[Grasshopper]

A: She's dead.

Q: Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: It was dead.

Q:What has six legs, is green and fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree on you?
A: A Pool table.

Q: What did tarzan see when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
A: "Look, a a herd of elephants coming over the hill"

Q: What did tarzan see when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill with sunglasses on?
A: Nothing...he didn't recognize them.

That is just abuse:3stooges:

[nevada]

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?

She's female.

Dead. Sheesh. I've seen dead drivers who are better than some people.

[SteelCore]

Q: What is the most common bra size in a nursing home?
A: 34 Long.

Two cannibals are sitting around, eating a clown.
The first cannibal turns to the second and says...
"Hey, does this taste funny to you?"

Q: You know why all the girls like Mr LLama?
A: Because he's hung like this:
http://blogs.warwick.ac.uk/images/nataliebarton/2005/10/20/cnv00002.jpg

[Woodman in MO]

At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. "My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee."
"I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.
"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you! said a fourth.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fifth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk!" exclaimed another.
"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said an elderly gent.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement.
"Well, count your blessings," said one woman cheerfully, "thankfully, we can all still drive."

[SteelCore]

Good one, Woodman! LMAO!

Q: Why did the blonde have square B00bs?
A: Forgot to take the kleenex outta the box.:eek:

Q: What goes hoppity clank, hoppity clank, hoppity clank?
A: Easter bunny with polio.

Q: What goes 99-thump, 99-thump, 99-thump?
A: Cenitpede with a wooden leg.

Q: What goes vroom-screech! vroom-screech! vroom-screech!
A: Blonde at a blinking red light.

[MicroPilot]

Q: What do you call a smart Blonde?
A: Golden Retriever

Q: What did the blonde say when she was told she was going to have a baby?
A: Are you sure it's mine?

:rockon:

[Woodman in MO]

Q: How many blonde jokes are there?

A: One. The rest are true stories.

[drine]

Don't be offended and subsitute man for woman if you need to.

Q:What do tell a drine with two black eyes?


A: Nothing!!! You done told the byatch twice!:airtight:

[drine]

Ok, it looks better that way!:thumbup:

[snapshot762]

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up.
She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.
The trucker lowers the window, and she says,
"Hi, my name is Heather, and you;re losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up
again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window.
As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly,
"Hi, my name is Heather, and you're losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the
street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks on
the truck door.
The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says,
"Hi, my name is Heather, and you're losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next
light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck
and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers
it, he says . . .
"Hi, my name is Kevin. It's winter in South Dakota, and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

[SteelCore]

Some of you will get this one:

Q: Why does divorce cost so much?
A: Because its worth it.

[k98k792]

Don't make me lock this.

[Global Gunsmithing]

how come snowmen are always smile?



because they know the snow blower is coming

[hunter_la5]

A man walks into a bar one day and sits down to order a drink.
The gentleman sitting next to him turns to him and asks, "hey, wanna see what I just got?"
"sure," he replies.
The gentleman then pulls out a small duffel bag, sets it on the bar, unzips it, and removes from it a tiny piano and a tiny man, who was about a foot tall.
Then the tiny man walked over to the tiny piano and began to play a tune.
"Wow, that's amazing," said the man. "Where on earth did you get that tiny man and the tiny piano?".
The gentleman replied, "There is a genie out back behind the bar in the alley who will give you one wish if you simply ask."

The man then rushed out of the bar to find the genie.

Several minutes later, the man returned to the bar with a rather large flock of ducks waddling in behind him.
He stormed up to the bar, and angrily asked the gentleman at the bar, "what the hell is going on? I asked for a million bucks, and that stupid genie gave me a million ducks. just what the hell am I to do with all of these ducks?"
the genleman at the bar apollogized, but couldn't help from laughing quite hysterically.
"oh, I forgot to tell you," he said, "the genie is a little hard of hearing. do you seriously think I asked him for an twelve inch pianist?"

[LorDiego]

A young couple are experiencing their first foray into lovemaking.

As they get passionate, the girl turns to her partner and says..

"you could try the other entry if you'd like... I think I might enjoy that..."

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The guy responds...

"ARE YOU CRAZY!! You might get pregnant that way!"

[nevada]

A mexican is sititng by the river, wishing he had the means for house when a watermelon floats by. He grabs it and cuts it open and a genie appears.

"You can have one wish." the genie says.

"I wish to have a house to live in!" says the mexican

" Are you crazy?" shouts the genie " All I've got is this watermelon and you want a house?"

[drine]

And all the jokes I know are worse than what I'm reading. Thank 4 years in the ARMY, working as a line man another 4 and several pervs I have to work with now!:icon_biggrin:
K98K you know I say that with repsect!

[RandyCOG3]

A blonde finds herself in dire need of financial assistance..starts to pray, "Dear God, please let me win the lottery this Saturday".
The weekend comes and goes, no luck.
The following Friday, she repeats the prayer, "Dear God, Please let me win the lottery this Saturday".
Again, no luck.
The following Friday, she again repeats the prayer.
This time, however, the clouds part, and a bright beam of sunlight shines down upon her. She then hears His voice:
"Jennifer, work with me. Buy a ticket."

RandyCOG3

[k98k792]

A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on
vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in
the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude
of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe
I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you
go on and give it a try?"

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same
young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As
he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming
rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim,
shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were
7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The
blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration,

"CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"

[drine]

I knew you'd come through.

A blonde is driving down the highway and sees another blonde in the middle of a field in a boat paddling as hard as she can. She slams on the brakes, gets out and stands next to the fence and screams. It's blondes like you who give us a bad name.If I could swim I'd come over there and pull your hair out.
:wink:

[RandyCOG3]

Q: What goes "clip clop bang bang clip clop"?

A: An Amish drive-by...

<no offense intended towards any Amish folks>

RandyCOG3

[SteelCore]

Oops...lo siento, senor. I'll skip the bartender-taught jokes...they are the saltiest...and the best.

Two lawyers are walking doen the street when a lovely lady walks by.
The first lawyer says "Boy I'd sure like to screw her"
The second says "outta what?"

Q:What's Beethoven doing these days?
A: De-composing.

Q: What is black, white and red and can't fit thru a revolving door?
A: A Penguin with a harpoon it its head.

Q: WHat's white on the outside and blue on the inside?
A: Smurf sandwich.

Q: Why did Michael Jackson go to Wal-Mart?
A: He hear that they had boy's pants half off:eek: