Joke Time

[Jacobite]

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the
little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown." The white man faints and falls to the
floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says: "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to
me?" The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me ... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350
pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weighs 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says: "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turnaround".

[tump]

:jumping: :wave: :roflmao:

[nevada]

Another reason to use hearing protection at the range.

[jlpskydive]

Another reason to use hearing protection at the range.

That and a CC permit...:jumping:

[MID]

Thats not a joke, thats a story.
This is a joke.


Why are the mexicans stealing all the cabbage patch dolls?




























Cause they come with birth certificates.

[LorDiego]

Birth Certificates!!!! Effing ROFL!!

Whats the main olympic sport in Mexico??
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Cross-Country:1087:

[SteelCore]

Q: What do a cue ball and a Mexican have in common?


A: The harder you hit 'em, the more 'english' you get out of them!


Q: What's Mozart doing these days?

A: De-composing!


Q: Whay can't Helen Keller drive a car?


A: Because she's a woman!

Down with PC!

[Cypher27]

Why'd the woman cross the road?












Who cares, what's she doin outta the kitchen?
lol

[rustypirate]

now y'all are gonna git yerself into a whole mess o' trouble carryin' on like that!

[jfowl31]

Why were shopping carts invented?























to teach women to walk on the hind legs.

[jfowl31]

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?




















give that bitch a shovel.

[bullseye]

:lolgreen: :lolgreen: :lolgreen: :nonono: :clapping: :clapping: :thumbup: :lolgreen: :lolgreen: :lolgreen:

[MicroPilot]

What do you call a smart blonde?
























A golden retriever!

[jfowl31]

What do you call a woman with 2 braincells?














pregnant....... no offense meant to you pregnant wife whos begging for range time bullseye....... perhaps I should delete my location on my profile eh?

[jfowl31]

What do you call 100 blondes standing ear to ear?











a windtunnel... I got a lot of blonde jokes, most of em are really dumb, and almost all of them can have "Aggie" substituted for "blonde"... hook em horns.

[jfowl31]

Why do women have small feet?

















so they can stand closer to the stove and sink..... duh!!!!!

[SSwee]

Kinda like

What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair brunette?





Artificial Intelligence

[snapshot762]

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?













Because those men already have boyfriends.

[SteelCore]

OK...

Q: What do you do if your diswasher breaks down?

A: Fire the biyatch! ;)

Q: Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?

A: So they didn't fill up with gravel.


Dis one me mum told me...that's my defense:

Q: Why do women have two sets of lips?

A: So they can piss and moan at th same time!


and it those get ye in trouble remeber this one:

Q: Why does divorce cost so much?

A: BECAUSE IT'S WORTH IT.

(this wasn't funny to me until I got one...then magically, it was!):bash:


Q: How did the scotsman find the sheep at night, in a rainstorm, in the tall tall grass?

A: VERY satsfiying.


Q: Where are an elephant's sex organs?

A: On his feet...if he steps on ya, yer Fooked!

[bullseye]

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanade?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."


There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly
forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's
habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would
always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she
would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him
to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that the couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out".
The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Christmas morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast.She fixed Christmas pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.
Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud ass
trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound
of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom. The wife
could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the
floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten
even. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't
listen to you". "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in."

[bullseye]

Top Ten Times in History When The 'F' Word Was Appropriate

10. "What the *&%# was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima, August 1945
9. "Where did all these *&%#ing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877
8. "Any *&%#ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
7. "It does SO *&%#ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
6. "How the *&%# did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
5. "You want WHAT on the *&%#ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
4. "I don't suppose it's gonna *&%#ing rain." - Joan of Arc, 1434
3. "Scattered *&%#ing showers...my ass!" - Noah, 314 BC
2 "I need this parade like I need a *&%#ing hole in my head!" - JFK, 1963
...and the number one time in history where the"F" word was appropriate...
1. "Aw c'mon, who the *&%# is going to find out?" - Bill Clinton, 1997


A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big mega apartment store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience? The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid's looks, so he gave him the job. "You can start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?" the boss asked.
The kid says, "One." The boss says, "Just one!? Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.64."
The boss says, "$101,237.64? What in the world did you sell?" The kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium size fish hook. Then I sold him an even larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x 4 Blazer." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
The kid says, "Well, no. Actually, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, "Well, your weekend's shot... you might as well go fishing."

[Jacobite]

Now that's funny.

[SteelCore]

Haahaa! LMAO!

[Enigma Nostra]

Someones been reading the joke page @ classicarms Bullseye...

-E

[bullseye]

I have not, I've had those for a long fime on my hdd. :)