Schultz
08-25-2008, 07:28 AM
I read this on another forum and thought I'd post it here, Kinda sums up most shows don't it.
The Know it ALL dealer:
The know it all dealer can tell you the entire history of every gun in the place. He can be a great help to a newbie but the fact is he doesn't know crap. In his perfect memory (fantasy) the guns on his table are truly unique and one of a kind. Never mind the serial numbers being in the 4 million range. When doing you the large favor of just acknowledging your presence, he can and will make you the deal of a lifetime. The AR15 on his table? Yep, sure enough it's the one issued to Carlos Hathcock. The Norinco .45? You guessed it, Audie Murphy carried that one. The hi-cap AR mags? Of course they are the "real deal" buster. These were carried in 'nam. None of the imitation USGI crap here man, the real thing. They have 10% of the original finish left and are worth $60 each, and you are damn lucky he is in a good mood.
The Wannabe:
This guy is usually in his late teens or early twenties. Hasn't been laid but once in his life and wants you to believe you are an inch away from a sure, swift, horrific death just because he walked within 5 feet of you on an aisle. Sporting the trendy "Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out" new t-shirt and a pair of Danner copies. His pants are stuffed in his boot tops, he is DAMN sure he can handle any weapon at the show and is the first guy in line to by from Mr. Know it ALL dealer. He is spec-ops material for sure. If he ever saves enough money to buy gas to go over to the enlistment office he will offer his services to this fine country of ours. As long as he can skip boot camp, not have to cut his hair and can lead some really cool Ranger outfit. Otherwise, it's too much trouble. He watches movies about war and sits and loudly elaborates on how he would have done things if he had been in charge of the movie outfit.
The Class III dealer:
This guy is one way cooool dude. He has twenty five guns lined out on his table with the little signs "Please don't touch" every two or three inches. If you ask him ANY question he looks scornfully at you and let's you know you are a waste of good usable oxygen. He has the same guns at every show, and the same crappy accessories in his little glass case. The reason he hangs on to his stuff forever is he wants 13k for a registered receiver Uzi in about 70%. This along with the BANNED SAR48 Springfield for $9500 in 80%. The mags in the case? Well they are there for serious customers only. Yep, Glock hi-caps are $125 each and oh yes, the MP5 curved 30 rd mags at $100 each used is only for a "serious" buyer. Sadly he doesn't realize just how much business he pisses away when answering every question with an angry, hostile response. He doesn't at all understand money or the international exchange rate of same. This is evident because this idiot full auto bastard MUST have everything priced based on Canadian dollars. Why would he be 40% high on everything?
The JUNK guy:
This fine fellow will bring 8 tables worth of rusted crud you never recognize. He has several boxes of stuff on his tables. Too lazy to unload, tag or price any of it, he is assuming that every s.o.b at the show is going to stop in and immediately recognize something from the mess. Goes to EVERY show, you see the same crud and when you walk buy, he is sitting on his ass talking to a buddy and ignoring anyone or anything around his tables. If you happen to be so lucky as to get his attention and ask about a specific item in the hopes that the all elusive magic part you need may be hidden away in his junk, he simply says "yeah I have one, check back with me in about an hour, I will see if I can find it". You, being most patient and amenable agree and walk on. After an hour, you drop back by his table and ask if he found your wonderzap springs. "What was that? Yeah I think I have one of those, check back with me in an hour or so"
The Mag Guy:
This fellow sells only mags. He may wear a white straw cowboy hat. His attitude is the worst of any seller in the show. He has hundreds of mags, all thrown out on a table. Many are rusted and worn beyond recognition. If you happen to ask about a specific mag, he snaps at you and informs you "yeah $140". WHAT! Who knew a CZ mag would be worth that much? If you ask him to confirm the price, he gets furious and barks for you to move on since you can't afford squat anyway. Never mind the black Steyr you are carrying and the 5k in cash you brought.
The Kinda Shady Guy:
This person has two tables. It is covered with things ranging from LEO mags to screwed-up home job AR kit guns. His willingness to let you in on the "really good deals" on junk you can't get ANYWHERE else is a testament to his fine demeanor. "Yeah those are LEO mags, but hey do you REALLY think they're gonna check you? Hell, those BATF guys don't care about this kind of stuff, they are out looking for gun runners. They're too stupid to even know what's legal and what isn't anyway. If the LEO mags bother you, I have a ********-load of ones I just refinished myself. You can't see the LEO markings on them at all."
The AR kit guns all have selector switches that rotate 180 degrees and some have an M bolt. He isn't going to tell anyone about them so just buy it and keep quiet...ok? You can have an AR with MACHINE GUN parts in it. How cool is that? The Ar's are right next to the Prue-81 $179 drop in sears with the copied letter in the little bag, just so you can be "legal".
The Beanie Baby/Ammo guy:
He is selling ammo and beanie babies. Well actually his wife and kid are selling the beanie babies. Cavim .308 for $200 a case and Pooch the Snoot (or WT ever) beanie baby for $25 bucks. Never mind the fact that he bought the Cavim from the guy across the aisle who still has quite a bit left selling for $149 a case. He opens up boxes of IMI SS109 from Cole and puts a few on stripper clips and sells it to The Wannabe for $60 a clip. If you happen to be so bold as to inquire why in hell he would try to sell ammo right across the aisle from the same ammo priced $50 less a case, he just looks real confused at you and says I got two cases, you interested in a Beanie Baby today?
The Knife Guy:
This guy is sharp. He is in the zone when it comes to gun shows. He buys every piece of merchandise he sells off the Shop At Home cable show. The daggers, the swords and oh yes the tactical folders with a boot, belt or pocket clip. Where the hell else is Wannabe going to get the really cool survival knife for 18 bucks out the door?
The Beef Jerky guy:
This fellow has lost sight of the fact that "THIS - IS - A - GUN SHOW". He puts his two coolers of shrink wrapped jerky on the table, a cooler of cold drinks and a little sign reading "free cold drink with every purchase". He spends the entire gun show giving out samples to passers-by. He sells beef jerky to the Beanie Baby/Ammo guy because he is too cheap to buy his wife and kid a hot dog from the concession stand, the FREE cold drink cinched it. The trips, three purchases and viola ! free lunch and drinks. The Jerky guy thinks he is doing well because three customers have bought his beef jerky in the last 10 minutes. He has no idea the reason his table always seems so crowded is because he is setup right in front of the concession stand at all those people are in line to get nachos.
The Doofus Guy:
This fellow is in his late 50's or 60's and works gun shows part time with the misses. She sits behind the table all day, talking baby talk to her little mut and smoking like a chimney. She is wearing sequins and makes damn sure everyone she speaks with KNOWS she drove here in a Lincoln. They are trying to sell things like Leapers scopes, lame videos, cheapo cleaning stuff and aftermarket sights. They don't know jack about what goes with or on what and their only response to any question is "what we have is on display" He is pussy whipped beyond belief and at random times (when safe) he has an outburst just to confirm his manhood (as long as Mama says it is ok). No warranty, no refund, all sales final. If you buy anything from him and it breaks well, you should have known that before you bought it.
The Know it ALL dealer:
The know it all dealer can tell you the entire history of every gun in the place. He can be a great help to a newbie but the fact is he doesn't know crap. In his perfect memory (fantasy) the guns on his table are truly unique and one of a kind. Never mind the serial numbers being in the 4 million range. When doing you the large favor of just acknowledging your presence, he can and will make you the deal of a lifetime. The AR15 on his table? Yep, sure enough it's the one issued to Carlos Hathcock. The Norinco .45? You guessed it, Audie Murphy carried that one. The hi-cap AR mags? Of course they are the "real deal" buster. These were carried in 'nam. None of the imitation USGI crap here man, the real thing. They have 10% of the original finish left and are worth $60 each, and you are damn lucky he is in a good mood.
The Wannabe:
This guy is usually in his late teens or early twenties. Hasn't been laid but once in his life and wants you to believe you are an inch away from a sure, swift, horrific death just because he walked within 5 feet of you on an aisle. Sporting the trendy "Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out" new t-shirt and a pair of Danner copies. His pants are stuffed in his boot tops, he is DAMN sure he can handle any weapon at the show and is the first guy in line to by from Mr. Know it ALL dealer. He is spec-ops material for sure. If he ever saves enough money to buy gas to go over to the enlistment office he will offer his services to this fine country of ours. As long as he can skip boot camp, not have to cut his hair and can lead some really cool Ranger outfit. Otherwise, it's too much trouble. He watches movies about war and sits and loudly elaborates on how he would have done things if he had been in charge of the movie outfit.
The Class III dealer:
This guy is one way cooool dude. He has twenty five guns lined out on his table with the little signs "Please don't touch" every two or three inches. If you ask him ANY question he looks scornfully at you and let's you know you are a waste of good usable oxygen. He has the same guns at every show, and the same crappy accessories in his little glass case. The reason he hangs on to his stuff forever is he wants 13k for a registered receiver Uzi in about 70%. This along with the BANNED SAR48 Springfield for $9500 in 80%. The mags in the case? Well they are there for serious customers only. Yep, Glock hi-caps are $125 each and oh yes, the MP5 curved 30 rd mags at $100 each used is only for a "serious" buyer. Sadly he doesn't realize just how much business he pisses away when answering every question with an angry, hostile response. He doesn't at all understand money or the international exchange rate of same. This is evident because this idiot full auto bastard MUST have everything priced based on Canadian dollars. Why would he be 40% high on everything?
The JUNK guy:
This fine fellow will bring 8 tables worth of rusted crud you never recognize. He has several boxes of stuff on his tables. Too lazy to unload, tag or price any of it, he is assuming that every s.o.b at the show is going to stop in and immediately recognize something from the mess. Goes to EVERY show, you see the same crud and when you walk buy, he is sitting on his ass talking to a buddy and ignoring anyone or anything around his tables. If you happen to be so lucky as to get his attention and ask about a specific item in the hopes that the all elusive magic part you need may be hidden away in his junk, he simply says "yeah I have one, check back with me in about an hour, I will see if I can find it". You, being most patient and amenable agree and walk on. After an hour, you drop back by his table and ask if he found your wonderzap springs. "What was that? Yeah I think I have one of those, check back with me in an hour or so"
The Mag Guy:
This fellow sells only mags. He may wear a white straw cowboy hat. His attitude is the worst of any seller in the show. He has hundreds of mags, all thrown out on a table. Many are rusted and worn beyond recognition. If you happen to ask about a specific mag, he snaps at you and informs you "yeah $140". WHAT! Who knew a CZ mag would be worth that much? If you ask him to confirm the price, he gets furious and barks for you to move on since you can't afford squat anyway. Never mind the black Steyr you are carrying and the 5k in cash you brought.
The Kinda Shady Guy:
This person has two tables. It is covered with things ranging from LEO mags to screwed-up home job AR kit guns. His willingness to let you in on the "really good deals" on junk you can't get ANYWHERE else is a testament to his fine demeanor. "Yeah those are LEO mags, but hey do you REALLY think they're gonna check you? Hell, those BATF guys don't care about this kind of stuff, they are out looking for gun runners. They're too stupid to even know what's legal and what isn't anyway. If the LEO mags bother you, I have a ********-load of ones I just refinished myself. You can't see the LEO markings on them at all."
The AR kit guns all have selector switches that rotate 180 degrees and some have an M bolt. He isn't going to tell anyone about them so just buy it and keep quiet...ok? You can have an AR with MACHINE GUN parts in it. How cool is that? The Ar's are right next to the Prue-81 $179 drop in sears with the copied letter in the little bag, just so you can be "legal".
The Beanie Baby/Ammo guy:
He is selling ammo and beanie babies. Well actually his wife and kid are selling the beanie babies. Cavim .308 for $200 a case and Pooch the Snoot (or WT ever) beanie baby for $25 bucks. Never mind the fact that he bought the Cavim from the guy across the aisle who still has quite a bit left selling for $149 a case. He opens up boxes of IMI SS109 from Cole and puts a few on stripper clips and sells it to The Wannabe for $60 a clip. If you happen to be so bold as to inquire why in hell he would try to sell ammo right across the aisle from the same ammo priced $50 less a case, he just looks real confused at you and says I got two cases, you interested in a Beanie Baby today?
The Knife Guy:
This guy is sharp. He is in the zone when it comes to gun shows. He buys every piece of merchandise he sells off the Shop At Home cable show. The daggers, the swords and oh yes the tactical folders with a boot, belt or pocket clip. Where the hell else is Wannabe going to get the really cool survival knife for 18 bucks out the door?
The Beef Jerky guy:
This fellow has lost sight of the fact that "THIS - IS - A - GUN SHOW". He puts his two coolers of shrink wrapped jerky on the table, a cooler of cold drinks and a little sign reading "free cold drink with every purchase". He spends the entire gun show giving out samples to passers-by. He sells beef jerky to the Beanie Baby/Ammo guy because he is too cheap to buy his wife and kid a hot dog from the concession stand, the FREE cold drink cinched it. The trips, three purchases and viola ! free lunch and drinks. The Jerky guy thinks he is doing well because three customers have bought his beef jerky in the last 10 minutes. He has no idea the reason his table always seems so crowded is because he is setup right in front of the concession stand at all those people are in line to get nachos.
The Doofus Guy:
This fellow is in his late 50's or 60's and works gun shows part time with the misses. She sits behind the table all day, talking baby talk to her little mut and smoking like a chimney. She is wearing sequins and makes damn sure everyone she speaks with KNOWS she drove here in a Lincoln. They are trying to sell things like Leapers scopes, lame videos, cheapo cleaning stuff and aftermarket sights. They don't know jack about what goes with or on what and their only response to any question is "what we have is on display" He is pussy whipped beyond belief and at random times (when safe) he has an outburst just to confirm his manhood (as long as Mama says it is ok). No warranty, no refund, all sales final. If you buy anything from him and it breaks well, you should have known that before you bought it.